Join Storytelling and Song For English Language Learners
The thesis statement didn't make a clear statement. You jump into the story without an attention device opening, thesis, or preview. Your thesis could of been more effective if you added an attention getting. You had one main idea and used a specific language. You need to work on your variety of types of evidence (more examples) to support your thesis. The content was interesting, vivid, and compelling, it taught a lesson.
You need to work on your attention device to grab the audience attention. The body organization wasn't ordered it was more likely you retelling the folktale. There was a logical progression of ideas in time, topic and problem-solution. Your transitions are not clear, it could of been more effective if you used specific transitions.
You had an eye contact, however, it could of been more effective if you looked at the audience most of the time. There was facial variety where you did make expressions. Your voice was a bit shaking, it sounded like you were nervous and you rushed through it. Your body language was showing that you were nervous,you used hand gestures. You didn’t use enthusiasm to develop your speech.
Your speech was about 3 minutes long. To make your speech more effective you should try working on making it longer , use dramatic pauses . Overall your speech topic was really interesting , I have never heard this folktale before .
Your thesis statement was effective, it expressed one main idea and used specific language, you showed evidence to support your thesis statement. it could've been more effective if you could've had more examples to support your thesis statement.