Join Storytelling and Song For English Language Learners
Your speech has a thesis statement and that is "be careful what you wish for". It expresses one main idea and it is very specific. You use the story of the man to support your thesis. This example shows what the thesis statement is all about. The story is very interesting and pleasant to follow along.
It would have been more effective if you had used a few more examples (2-4 examples) to support the thesis. Another story and a personal experience would have been good choices. One example gave the audience the feeling that you are drawing conclusion from one fact. It is like the thesis is a theory and the story is the only evidence to prove it.
Your speech has an introduction, a body and a conclusion. In the introduction, there is the thesis. The body part is made of the story of the man. The conclusion part wraps up the story and the lesson learn from it.
You start the speech with the thesis statement. You didn't use an "attention grabber" sentence. Also, you miss to clearly state a preview of how you will proceed to support your thesis. The following statement would have done the trick: I'm going to use the example of a man who wants his house to be bigger and quieter to show it.
The way you deliver the story is just amazing. You know the story well and the way you present it smoothly gave the feeling that you want to share it with everyone. The audience can tell from your facial expression that you are actually into what you were saying.
The only thing you can improve on your delivery is the eye contact. The way you are looking up and to the side gave the expression that you are avoiding the audience.
Overall, this speech is a great one. Good job.
Your speech had an effective thesis statement. It could've been more effective if it had more sources to express your evidence and more timing.