Join Storytelling and Song For English Language Learners
I agree with kizelnk, it may take a bit of practice and time, but that's what becoming a good speaker is all about! I did notice that your hands were in your pocket throughout the speech. It would be more becoming and demonstrate more confidence to display your hands and even use them to express yourself. Aside from that, I really appreciated the speech.
The quality and content of your speech is superb.You have the ability to transform yourself into a charismatic and professional speaker. Just a bit more confidence and conviction while delivering your speech.Just believe in yourself.
You have a great story and message; that should result in a greater measure of confidence than you are displaying! I am sure that as you practice more you will become a very effective speaker.
Specifics: -hands need to stay out of pockets (assuming the temperature in the room was reasonable)
-More eye contact with listeners would result in a more impactful speech (assuming there were others in the room)